Danny ChaiBeing a parent has an interesting effect. On one hand, I’ve never felt so unselfish in my whole life. Parenthood makes you giving in a way nothing else can, not even marriage, since there’s this aspect of complete dependence on the part of your child. The quality of parents’ love towards their children, and how much they would be willing to do and sacrifice for them, is amazing. It elicits an incredible level of selflessness.
On the other hand, being a parent, I’ve also never felt so selfish in my life. It’s a different selfishness, not one fully centered on me, but on my family. But the biggest personal… I don’t the right word, maybe temptation or trial, but the biggest one of those in being a parent is the selfishness thing, focusing all my time and energy on my family and nothing else, never thinking about or feeling I have the bandwidth for other people.
It’s hard because putting energy into my family is undoubtedly good, but like many good things, when it’s done excessively to exclusivity, it can be bad, especially for my spiritual life. It’s also hard because it’s possible to spend all my energy on my family – it’s not like I ever run out of stuff to do, or there’s a finite limit to the time I can spend with them.
Especially after Abby’s time of sickness, I found I was in this pattern of only thinking about her and her needs, and not spending any time with, serving, or reaching out to other people, which has not felt good for my soul. My spiritual life depends on me being others-centric. And being a parent both really helps that and really hurts it, which is weird.
Anyway, being selfless towards your child seems to come naturally, but being selfless outside your family seems to take a more concerted effort, and that’s something I’ve been working on.