English to 12-year-old-AOL-user translator

The English to 12-year-old-AOL-user translator.

Here’s the first part of Scott’s last entry:

• We have two very stellar med students on rotation with us right now. Smart, compassionate, dedicated, tireless.
•  One of the students is discharging a patient to a local nunnery, and she’s really interested in visiting him after he goes there, to see if he’s well-situated. I was incredulous. I actually laughed–and then I realized she was serious. I tried to cover up my previously mocking tones with some earnest affirmation.

Via the translator:

• WE HAEV TWO V3RY STELAR MED STUDANTS ON ROTATION WIT US RIGHT NOW!111! LOL SMART COMPASIONAET D3DICAETD TIERL3S
•  ONE1!!!1 WTF LOL OF DA STUDANTS IS DISCHARGNG A PATEINT 2 A LOCAL NUN3RY AND SH3S RILLY INTERESTAD IN VISITNG HIM AFT3R HA GO3S THEIR 2 SE IF HES WEL-SITUAETD1!!!!!11 OMG I WAS INCREDULOUS1!1!11!! LOL I ACTUALY LAUGH3D-AND THAN I REALIEZD SHA WAS SARIOUS!!!!1! OMG LOL I TREID 2 COVAR UP MAH PREVIOUSLY MOKNG 2N3S WIT SOME 3ARNEST AFIRMATION!1!! OMG WTF LOL