Work vs. Christianity

In 2000, Dave and I attended this random conference, I can’t even remember what it was for, but as I recall it was startup oriented and there were many representatives from VCs there. (This is the same event where Dave decided to talk to all the waitstaff in a faux Australian accent.)

I remember having one really awkward conversation with this guy from a smaller VC, and I’m pretty sure he was Christian because the conversation went through these really strange swings. He’d start off with an odd swagger, almost conspiratorial, telling us how much money his firm had to invest. “Oh yeah, we’ve got *money*.” Then he got this odd guilty look on his face and would follow up with comments like, “Uh, but money’s not everything.” Just an awkward conversation all around. Not helped by us, since when he (or anyone) asked what we were there for, we had no good answer. I think the truest answer was, free food and alcohol.

I kind of made fun of him at the time, but really, I’m exactly the same way at work. I have a really hard time reconciling what I need to do to succeed in the business world with my faith. In the end, I think they’re fundamentally opposed.

Like, at work, or in any secular activity, (you gotta) fight for your rights. Get all that you can, all that you deserve. Seek the biggest raises, best promotions. Look out for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just how it is, because no one else is going to do it for you, and people expect it from you. It’s just how it is.

But it’s so counter to Christianity, I always feel really uncomfortable doing it, though it’s something I should do. Like if I’m being underpaid. Standing my ground and demanding what I deserve doesn’t feel good at all. Because Christianity is completely about the opposite. Letting go of our rights. Knowing we don’t “deserve” anything. Seeking the good of others first. Humbling ourselves. I dunno, I go through the same emotional swings as that guy at the conference, and I’ve never been able to exactly figure out how to make them coexist. I’m not sure it’s totally possible, or if it’s something I should be comfortable with. Maybe the tension I feel is a good thing. I don’t know.

I’m kind of in that position now, where the “right” thing to do is to fight for my rights. But it just feels so greedy. Depresses the heck out of me.

I hate the business world. It can kill your soul.